There is a difference between questioning why vs. asking a question to learn why.
When we open a conversation by questioning someone, we are bringing judgement. In short, whether we realize it or not we are questioning their judgement. That doesn't tend to open up healthy conversations as much as create the potential for unwanted confrontations.
It goes like this:
"I'm not sure why you did this."
"I'm not sure why you would make that decision."
"I'm not sure you thought of whatever I'm about to tell you, but once I do I'll feel better for having cleared this up for you."
The opposite approach sounds more like this:
"Can you tell me more so I can learn the heart behind the decision that was made?"
"Can you share with me the heart behind the decisions made so that I have a better understanding of the bigger picture?"
"Thank you for your heart to lead. Can you tell me more about the vision behind your decision, so that when others ask about the direction we've taken I have all of the information for a great conversation."
Often times those closest to the situation have the most relevant information.
We need to take a posture to learn more than a posture to prove a point.
In my experience, I get it right when I listen twice as much as I speak.
Decisions are rarely made in a vacuum.
"it MAY BE that..."
Less trying to prove a point, more of a willingness to learn.
It's about honoring relationships.
We'll pick that thought up tomorrow.
brett w. gould
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